Dirty Double Part Two: 13.6km Ullswater Trail Race

Part two of the ‘Dirty Double’. Sadly it doesn’t say that on the race t-shirt of which we get another one today. Bright orange. Today it’s the Ullswater 13.6km trail race which requires an earlier start, which for L is 9.30am. This means we’re up at around 7am, finding that the weather has suddenly dropped cold and is below zero in places. It’s still quite sunny though.

The race also requires full body cover. Every competitor must carry a hat, gloves, a cagoule and overtrousers of some sort. This is partly for the boat journey... where it may be cold on board. L needs to be at Glenridding Pier to catch the first of three trips by the Ullswater steamer ‘Lady Of The Lake’ which will take us to the start at nearby Howtown. It’s a case of being shipped out, dropped off and told to run back. I’m on the third sailing at 11.30am. So after a one hour head start yesterday she gets two hours today.

The boys and I was goodbye to her before heading off for a sausage cob and a cuppa. Well we do have two hours to kill. Well two and a half actually because it quickly becomes apparent that the other boats are going to be running late.

We finally board at noon and the finishers from the first trip are already coming in. I keep a lookout for L but don’t see her. As we sail (or should that be steam), we go close enough to the bank to cheer the earlier starters along. Which is a nice touch but one which will be unavailable to us on the last boat. We also go close enough to see them all clambering up a big hill. Oh dear. That'll be us next.

The boat trip actually reminds me of the one to Alcatraz, only I think, I hope, we don't have to swim for it to make our escape. During the half hour journey we are serenaded by a singer/guitarist who among other songs sings us ‘Sailing’ with especially adapted words for this journey. Then both the guitarist and the race organiser announce that they are so inspired by their own race that they’re going to join us.

We arrive at Howtown, which turns out to be no town at all. Just a landing stage and a start line. Well, a tree masquerading as a start line.

GB Marathon runner Susan Partridge is already there waiting, having eschewed the boat and ran there instead. Our guitarist dons shorts and promptly overtakes me. As does the organiser, who having acted as official starter then joins in and overtakes practically everybody.

The course is hillier and rockier than yesterday, which means I walk a lot again but it’s still kind of enjoyable. We run around the lake with almost always one eye on the finish, the only problem being it's across the other side of the water. So no shortcuts then. In fact you can hear all the cheering at the finish from around 5k out.

It’s a bit disheartening too that when we near the end they send us uphill again just before the last decent. Which takes us past a cafe but it’s a bit late to stop for coffee and cake now. Just 2k to go as we head into Patterdale.

L is waiting at the line with the boys. Where I'm surprised to find I'm not last. 01:22:56, slower than yesterday but not bad for an anti-fell runner.

L Time: 02:03:42

Races: 39
Miles: 282.8
T-shirts: 22
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 14
Bags Of Crisps: 3
Chocolate Bars: 4
Toothpaste: 3
Redbush: 3
Glow Sticks: 1
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1

Dirty Double Part One: 15km Helvellyn Trail Race

Today is the first of our two races, known collectively as the ‘Dirty Double’. My little treat for my girl with mileage on her mind. She needs five hundred of them before May. First up it’s the 15km Helvellyn Trail race which starts and finishes at Jenkins Field in Glenridding.

They hand over the race t-shirt before we start and it’s a tasteful little black number. The Helvellyn Trail race doesn’t actually, thankfully, go up Helvellyn but the t-shirt is nicely ambiguous on this. So I can pretend it did. Although it’s still sure to be tough, Hell-vellyn the clue's in the name.

There are two races. L has chosen the less serious ‘Challenge’ race at 1pm, whilst I’m in the main ‘Trail’ race at 2pm. Both nicely late in the day starts. We hit a cafe for a bacon sarnie and a cuppa before we start. Continuing our involuntary quest to break every pre-race rule in the book.

At quite a few races that I do, they like to worry you by introducing the opposition. Today is no exception as they announce current GB Marathon runner Susan Partridge and former Olympic marathoner Jon Brown, who won the race the last time it was held in 2008. The organisers don’t elaborate on why it’s not been held since. I wonder how many runners they lost three years? Too late to google it now.

I start near the back because I know that most of the other runners will do the nasty rocky bits faster than me and will just want to push past. Then they throw in a few miles of Tarmac through Glenridding and up the first climb. Terrain I excel on and I overtake a lot of them. Then, as predicted, they thunder past me when it gets difficult.

It beats me how parts of the course passed a Health and Safety inspection and let's face it, they're not good at making paths up here. They just throw a few boulders in a random pattern and be done with it. There you go, walk on that or in our case run on that. Treacherous.

I’m not complaining really, I was expecting this. It is a ‘Fell Race’ after all. ‘Fell’ as in you’ll probably fall a lot and people do. The course keeps the medics busy. I twist my old war wound of a dodgy ankle and hobble through three quarters of it.

The course runs down two valleys. First the Glenridding Valley and as we turn at the end it is with a nod to the peaks of Catstye Cam and above it the great Helvellyn him/herself. Then we pop into the Grisedale valley, with Helvellyn now on our right as we head out towards the likes of Dollywagon Pike.

Finally we’re off the rocky bridleways and the mud, on to much more substantial hard packed gravel tracks and finally another section of my beloved tarmac at the end.

As I head back in to Glenridding it is odd to see L there cheering me on but it’s very welcome. Although I’m a little gutted I didn't catch her, as I did at Cartmel last year on our last Lakeland Trails expedition. When she did assist by taking a wrong turn.

1:17:56 is an adequate time and 151th out of 366 is a more than adequate position for a non-fell runner who steps around all the rocks rather than plummeting over the top of them like the experts do.

I tuck into the Kendal Mint Cake at the finish and wait for the spot prize draw, which neither of us have any luck with.

Well done Lakeland Trails. I consider their motto ‘Inspiring Races in Beautiful Places’ as I look at a woman at the finish holding a bloody hanky to her forehead and asking someone to text a photo of her before the bleeding stops... Nutters these fell runners but yep, I’m inspired. Where’s the next ROAD race? Ah, that’s after I’ve negotiated tomorrow.

L Time: 01:56:17

Races: 38
Miles: 274.4
T-shirts: 21
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 14
Bags Of Crisps: 3
Chocolate Bars: 4
Toothpaste: 3
Redbush: 3
Glow Sticks: 1
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1