St Neots Riverside Half Marathon

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be stood on the sidelines, a bacon roll in one hand and a coffee in the other, watching everyone else run the St Neots Riverside Half Marathon. I have however discovered I have much less self control that I thought which has caused me to buy a race number off someone who has wimped out of competing today, I mean was unable to attend.

So we drive an hour and a half down the A1 to discover that, to my untrained eye at least, the race isn’t actually in St Neots and isn’t down the riverside. We appear to actually be in Eynesbury which is next door to St Neots, so perhaps close enough. The river though is not in evidence anywhere. No matter it’s supposed to be a scenic run anyway, river or not. Well it may have been a scenic route but it’s difficult to tell as everything is under a very heavy mist for most of the day. Still I’m sure it was very nice.

It’s also quiet cold. We leave Nottingham at a barmy 6 degrees but as we head south the temperature actually dips into the negative on occasion. Neither of us has brought any cold weather kit with us, long sleeves etc. I haven’t even got my running gloves and make do with a fleece pair I had in the car.

The 1200 places sold out long ago but despite operating a transfer window system for those who bottled it; there are still only 950 on the start line. What is it with competitors? Nice warm bed too big a pull was it? Hmmm.

Even with 950 it’s still a bit congested in the first few miles on the narrow roads around here and I tread on a few toes. We also cause chaos with the local traffic and annoy dozens of car drivers. I’m not sure how they got away with that but I’m all for a bit of traffic annoyance.

The reason for the congestion is maybe because I’m directly behind the 1:45 pacers, along with about 200 other people. What we need is a nice big hill to drop say 190 of them off the back but aside from one cheeky short incline through one of the villages it’s a relatively flat course. I could actually quite fancy a gentle 1:45 today and being wedged in with them at least stops me setting off at a suicidal pace. This pace though, 7:25 for mile one and 7:37 for mile two, isn’t exactly 1:45 pace, they should be doing 8:00s.

Overall it’s a very well organised race and an honourable mention goes to the marshals, of whom there were many and all were very encouraging, if occasionally in a ‘I’m glad it’s not me running this’ sort of way. The drinks stations (four of them) all had bottled water, which is much better than cups and they even had jelly babies. Although I had to decline because I’m trying to give them up as I can’t breathe and chew at the same time. Plus the girl who was handing them out them had a bit of a dispense problem and most of them were ending up on the floor. She needs to work on that. The only thing missing for a perfect race was the training. My training that is e.g. the lack of it.

So loosely enjoyable and the flat (apparently slightly downhill) last three miles meant that even I had a fast-ish finish as I tried to keep ahead of those 1:45 pacers.

Race HQ was at the local leisure centre, yet the start was amongst a housing estate and the finish at a nearby school. It was actually quite a long way back to the HQ, well it is if you’re crawling there. It takes me so long to get there that my name is already up on the results when I arrive. The queues for the massages are already quite long and the masseurs don’t look that gentle either, or attractive, so I head back to the car to get the boys.

L finishes before I get back to the finish, ahead of schedule again. I wish she’d slow down; she’ll be overtaking me soon if she keeps this up. She’s just outside her season’s best which she did at Birmingham last month.

The T-shirts are long sleeve, of the technical variety and predominately red but they’re not too bad. They have a bit of a supply error though and L doesn’t get the small size she ordered, or even a medium for that matter.

L Time: 02:12:53

Races: 40
Miles: 295.9
T-shirts: 23
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 14
Bags Of Crisps: 4
Chocolate Bars: 5
Toothpaste: 3
Redbush: 3
Glow Sticks: 1
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1

Dirty Double Part Two: 13.6km Ullswater Trail Race

Part two of the ‘Dirty Double’. Sadly it doesn’t say that on the race t-shirt of which we get another one today. Bright orange. Today it’s the Ullswater 13.6km trail race which requires an earlier start, which for L is 9.30am. This means we’re up at around 7am, finding that the weather has suddenly dropped cold and is below zero in places. It’s still quite sunny though.

The race also requires full body cover. Every competitor must carry a hat, gloves, a cagoule and overtrousers of some sort. This is partly for the boat journey... where it may be cold on board. L needs to be at Glenridding Pier to catch the first of three trips by the Ullswater steamer ‘Lady Of The Lake’ which will take us to the start at nearby Howtown. It’s a case of being shipped out, dropped off and told to run back. I’m on the third sailing at 11.30am. So after a one hour head start yesterday she gets two hours today.

The boys and I was goodbye to her before heading off for a sausage cob and a cuppa. Well we do have two hours to kill. Well two and a half actually because it quickly becomes apparent that the other boats are going to be running late.

We finally board at noon and the finishers from the first trip are already coming in. I keep a lookout for L but don’t see her. As we sail (or should that be steam), we go close enough to the bank to cheer the earlier starters along. Which is a nice touch but one which will be unavailable to us on the last boat. We also go close enough to see them all clambering up a big hill. Oh dear. That'll be us next.

The boat trip actually reminds me of the one to Alcatraz, only I think, I hope, we don't have to swim for it to make our escape. During the half hour journey we are serenaded by a singer/guitarist who among other songs sings us ‘Sailing’ with especially adapted words for this journey. Then both the guitarist and the race organiser announce that they are so inspired by their own race that they’re going to join us.

We arrive at Howtown, which turns out to be no town at all. Just a landing stage and a start line. Well, a tree masquerading as a start line.

GB Marathon runner Susan Partridge is already there waiting, having eschewed the boat and ran there instead. Our guitarist dons shorts and promptly overtakes me. As does the organiser, who having acted as official starter then joins in and overtakes practically everybody.

The course is hillier and rockier than yesterday, which means I walk a lot again but it’s still kind of enjoyable. We run around the lake with almost always one eye on the finish, the only problem being it's across the other side of the water. So no shortcuts then. In fact you can hear all the cheering at the finish from around 5k out.

It’s a bit disheartening too that when we near the end they send us uphill again just before the last decent. Which takes us past a cafe but it’s a bit late to stop for coffee and cake now. Just 2k to go as we head into Patterdale.

L is waiting at the line with the boys. Where I'm surprised to find I'm not last. 01:22:56, slower than yesterday but not bad for an anti-fell runner.

L Time: 02:03:42

Races: 39
Miles: 282.8
T-shirts: 22
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 14
Bags Of Crisps: 3
Chocolate Bars: 4
Toothpaste: 3
Redbush: 3
Glow Sticks: 1
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1

Dirty Double Part One: 15km Helvellyn Trail Race

Today is the first of our two races, known collectively as the ‘Dirty Double’. My little treat for my girl with mileage on her mind. She needs five hundred of them before May. First up it’s the 15km Helvellyn Trail race which starts and finishes at Jenkins Field in Glenridding.

They hand over the race t-shirt before we start and it’s a tasteful little black number. The Helvellyn Trail race doesn’t actually, thankfully, go up Helvellyn but the t-shirt is nicely ambiguous on this. So I can pretend it did. Although it’s still sure to be tough, Hell-vellyn the clue's in the name.

There are two races. L has chosen the less serious ‘Challenge’ race at 1pm, whilst I’m in the main ‘Trail’ race at 2pm. Both nicely late in the day starts. We hit a cafe for a bacon sarnie and a cuppa before we start. Continuing our involuntary quest to break every pre-race rule in the book.

At quite a few races that I do, they like to worry you by introducing the opposition. Today is no exception as they announce current GB Marathon runner Susan Partridge and former Olympic marathoner Jon Brown, who won the race the last time it was held in 2008. The organisers don’t elaborate on why it’s not been held since. I wonder how many runners they lost three years? Too late to google it now.

I start near the back because I know that most of the other runners will do the nasty rocky bits faster than me and will just want to push past. Then they throw in a few miles of Tarmac through Glenridding and up the first climb. Terrain I excel on and I overtake a lot of them. Then, as predicted, they thunder past me when it gets difficult.

It beats me how parts of the course passed a Health and Safety inspection and let's face it, they're not good at making paths up here. They just throw a few boulders in a random pattern and be done with it. There you go, walk on that or in our case run on that. Treacherous.

I’m not complaining really, I was expecting this. It is a ‘Fell Race’ after all. ‘Fell’ as in you’ll probably fall a lot and people do. The course keeps the medics busy. I twist my old war wound of a dodgy ankle and hobble through three quarters of it.

The course runs down two valleys. First the Glenridding Valley and as we turn at the end it is with a nod to the peaks of Catstye Cam and above it the great Helvellyn him/herself. Then we pop into the Grisedale valley, with Helvellyn now on our right as we head out towards the likes of Dollywagon Pike.

Finally we’re off the rocky bridleways and the mud, on to much more substantial hard packed gravel tracks and finally another section of my beloved tarmac at the end.

As I head back in to Glenridding it is odd to see L there cheering me on but it’s very welcome. Although I’m a little gutted I didn't catch her, as I did at Cartmel last year on our last Lakeland Trails expedition. When she did assist by taking a wrong turn.

1:17:56 is an adequate time and 151th out of 366 is a more than adequate position for a non-fell runner who steps around all the rocks rather than plummeting over the top of them like the experts do.

I tuck into the Kendal Mint Cake at the finish and wait for the spot prize draw, which neither of us have any luck with.

Well done Lakeland Trails. I consider their motto ‘Inspiring Races in Beautiful Places’ as I look at a woman at the finish holding a bloody hanky to her forehead and asking someone to text a photo of her before the bleeding stops... Nutters these fell runners but yep, I’m inspired. Where’s the next ROAD race? Ah, that’s after I’ve negotiated tomorrow.

L Time: 01:56:17

Races: 38
Miles: 274.4
T-shirts: 21
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 14
Bags Of Crisps: 3
Chocolate Bars: 4
Toothpaste: 3
Redbush: 3
Glow Sticks: 1
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1

Dip In The Dark

Tonight we're at Capernwray Dive Centre near Carnforth for the ‘Dip in the Dark’. The Dive Centre is in somewhere called Jackdaw Quarry that they’ve flooded and turned in to basically a diver’s amusement park. There are sunken ships to explore, as well as submerged helicopters, garden gnomes... Shergar... and Lord Lucan... So that’s where they ended up... or rather fibreglass versions nabbed from Blackpool Pleasure Beach. I can't imagine how freaky it would be coming nose to nose with Shergar in the dark or for that matter, even in the light.

Tonight the Dive Centre is hosting a 500m swim in the dark. The dogs are fascinated, well, freaked. I'm fascinated, well, freaked. L looks fascinated, well no, actually terrified and freaked.

At least as it's a circular pond and they’ve also illuminated the buoys that mark the edge of the course, she can't possibly get lost. I hope. Each swimmer has helpfully attached a glow stick to the back of their wetsuits, so that the organisers can find the bodies later.

It's all over in around 15 minutes for L or just under 7 if you're the smart arse who won. L gets out of the water predictably no longer terrified and simply elated. She'll be smug as hell tonight.

Races: 37
Miles: 265.0
T-shirts: 20
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 14
Bags Of Crisps: 3
Chocolate Bars: 4
Toothpaste: 3
Redbush: 3
Glow Sticks: 1
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1

Sheffield Ten-Ten-Ten

I take L up to Sheffield today for the erroneously named Sheffield Ten-Ten-Ten at Endcliffe Park.

Last year the race ran on the 10th October 2010, this year 30th October 2011. So Thirty-Ten-Eleven then. Still starts at 10am though and still 10k.

I’ve decided to give this one a miss. I need a break but also looking at the photos of last year’s race put me off. Is that grass they’re running on? It rather looks like it and muddy grass at that. It’s also two laps. On closer inspection it looks remarkably like two laps of Wollaton Park... and I've done that often enough.

I decide to help the boys with their supporting. When I see the bacon sarnie stall it looks even more like the right decision. I’m not at all jealous of L on this one, it looks a very slow course, but the t-shirts are nice.

L Time: 01:04:32

Races: 36
Miles: 264.7
T-shirts: 20
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 14
Bags Of Crisps: 3
Chocolate Bars: 4
Toothpaste: 3
Redbush: 3
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1

Great Birmingham Half Marathon Run

The race literature welcomes us to the 'former Birmingham Half Marathon' which has been Bupa-ised and is now known as the ‘Great Birmingham Run’ but as this gives no indication to the race distance we won't call it that. It is after all still a half marathon and it’s still in Birmingham.

The blueprint is the same as the equally spuriously named 'Great Manchester Run' which I did earlier this year. That was a 10k by the way. Again they helpfully put your name on your number, just in case you forget who you are and I’m again in the first ‘Orange’ wave along with all the elite athletes and a banana, but more of him later. there are four waves and L starts in wave three (green).

Parking is great and practical at the NIA and of course cheaper than anywhere in Sheffield. Everything is so handy, that we take the dogs and my father.

There’s bound to be considerable focus on the organisation this year following the farce of last year’s 'race for climate change' where a pinch point in the first half a mile caused everyone to walk and the finish descended into a shambles as runners queued up to cross the line. Now though, we get the Great Run's well honed organisation skills and everything runs like clockwork.

We clap as the star runners are presented to the crowd and then a huge roar goes up as the final one is introduced. Ah, Mr Gebrselassie we meet again. No doubt feeling he has to prove a point and show that beating me in Manchester was no fluke. Bring it on.

Then we’re off, funnelled through a bottleneck before the start, so that’s there’s plenty of space when you actually cross the start line. I baulk at having to actually run across the line, preferring to save those twenty metres of energy for later.

The crowd is a little quiet as I set off, perhaps all cheered out after Gebrselassie, but the public around the course more than make up for it.

Due to the lack of congestion, I get a much better start than last year and have to hold myself back a bit as everyone goes off like Usain Bolt on the downhill start. I refuse to get drawn into such a suicidal pace and decide to let the likes of Gebrselassie burn themselves out before reeling them in later.

As we run along Pershore Road heading out to Bournville, it soon becomes obvious that this plan is already in tatters. Here the course doubles back on itself and as I approach four miles Gebrselassie is already heading back and passing the six mile point. Tactics wrong. Again. I give him a reluctant clap anyway.

The elite women go past not too far behind, apparently they were being paced around by a chap dressed as a banana. I dismiss this bizarre rumour; surely it would have been a giraffe. We saw how quick they are last week. I think some folk have obviously had too much blue Powerade.

Yes it’s Powerade and not Lucozade this year. This means attempting to avoid those ‘blues’. There seems something not right about any blue drink, let alone a blue sports drink. Although I still end up with one before eventually getting a red one at the second stop.

There’s plenty of live music along the route including the lady vicar again. The course itself is generally flat until you come into Cannon Hill Park, at around mile eight, where it starts to ramp up. By the time you go through Edgbaston and past the newly renovated cricket ground it’s getting rather serious hill wise.

I don’t particularly feel either my cold or my ribs but still blame them both for my lack of training which means I’m not going to beat last week’s time, which was target number one. I’m certainly not going to be anywhere near last year’s time of just under 1:37 despite getting a much better start. A tight calf for the last two miles doesn’t help although I don’t think it actually slowed me down any either.

A marker at 20k throws me out, particularly as there doesn’t appear to be a 13 mile one. Just how far is a half marathon in km? I try and work it out in my head. Is it 21.1k? Then we’re counting down in metres and the problem is solved. 800m, 600m, 200m, done. 1:40:27. Not bad, considering.

Then someone asks me to remove my chip from my shoe. Seriously, I can’t bend down there yet. I kick my shoe off, wobble as I retrieve it, and then attempt to pull the chip free of the laces. Five minutes later one chip is with the marshal and I hobble off with one shoe on and one shoe off. Ten metres along the road is a woman with cutters who could have cut the dam thing off for me. You should have been down there at the finish love.

Goodie bag wise... I’m sure they must all be in league with each other. More Redbush tea and more toothpaste. Argggh. Although at least there’s a chocolate bar this time. The T-shirt is a bit bland too. Exactly the same as the other Great Run t-shirts with just ‘Birmingham’ replacing ‘Manchester’, ‘Yorkshire’, ‘North’ etc (delete as applicable). At least they have a range of sizes. Cardiff take note. The most annoying thing though is that neither the T-shirt nor the medal say half marathon on them.

15,000 entered. Just over 11,400 competed in the end which is pretty much the same as last year but with a lot less hitches.

My mate Haile won of course in 1:01:29 and looked like he was jogging most of the time. Gemma Steel won the women’s race in 1:12:21, just ahead of the banana, bet she was relieved about that. At least it wasn’t a giraffe eh Gemma?. Seriously though, running 1:14 dressed as a piece of fruit deserves an award of some sort.

I head to the car to rescue first the boys and then my father. He’s been hemmed in the wrong side of the finish by the crowds which are impressively five to six deep along Broad Street. I dig him out and we just get a good position when L bombs past about five minutes ahead of schedule. Well impressive. Six minutes quicker than last week.

L Time: 02:11:43

Races: 35
Miles: 258.5
T-shirts: 19
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 14
Bags Of Crisps: 3
Chocolate Bars: 4
Toothpaste: 3
Redbush: 3
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1

Cardiff Half Marathon

We leave our accommodation at 6am for the twenty odd mile drive into Cardiff. The race doesn’t start until 9am but as we have the dogs with us the plan is to find a covered car park (in case it gets sunny) and as close to the start as possible.



By 6.50am we’re sorted, parked in a multi-storey overlooking the start/finish. So that’s one tactical plan executed to perfection, now just the race to go. Parking is only £4 per day, all day. Sheffield take note. Soon after that we’re walking the boys around the race village. It’s our first time visiting Cardiff and we’re quite impressed.


We have our photos taken in front of the Tardis...


well it is Cardiff and isn’t that it’s most famous landmark? We even get to see the 2012 Olympic torch. All this and before it’s even light. That's a first, never turned up for a race before when it’s still been dark.



The race gained some notoriety and publicity in 2010, when it turned out to be short by nearly 200 metres. It doesn’t seem to have done it much harm with all 15,000 places sold in advance; although only just over 11,000 make it to the start line. Rumour has it that the missing 4,000 are all men who only entered because Sky TV babe Charlie Webster had her pretty face plastered all over the pre-race literature urging us all to come join her.

Only for her to tweet that she’s ‘Gutted not doing Cardiff half marathon this morning as planned...’ due to injury and nothing to do with the fact that the lifelong Sheffield United fan is covering the Sheffield derby for Sky Sports today...

Well our own organisation has run like clockwork, now what can the organisers do. There were complaints about congestion at the start last year so they’ve decided to colour code it this time. Although there are only three bib colours and they’ve put me in the blue sub-1:30 category. What are they like? Or more likely what the hell did I put on my entry form?

I feel for one of my comrades in the blue zone who comes out of one of the portaloos, falls down the step next to them and starts rolling around on the floor in agony. Oh dear, that ankle is not going to like doing 13.1 miles much.


Then Jamie Baulch starts us off and things go quite well at first. Although, I start too fast obviously. A point that is driven home when a herd of around 100 wildebeest trample me underfoot just past the three mile point as they charge past in pursuit of a chap carrying a little board indicating that he is the 1:30 pacer. Not much point tagging on the back of them, that's well beyond me today.

The drinks stations are a bit odd. Water at three miles, Lucozade sport at six and then what seemed a really huge gap until ten, by which point I was gasping and covered in energy gel. Gel that I had been carrying in readiness for a drinks station at around eight miles, which never came. Then there’s a final, rather pointless one in the last mile.

Oh and they handed out bottles with screw caps at that first water station, so I imagine the road was cobbled with thousands of them by the time the runners nearer the back came through. Not pleasant and a bit of a basic organisational slip up.

Other than that I must compliment the marshals and the crowd, who were excellent and out in numbers. Also the band outside the Royal College of Music and Drama. Overall there was a really good atmosphere and it was good running past all the Cardiff landmarks. Although later I find out that L has missed most of them, which is an allegation she usually levels at me. How could she have missed the likes of Cardiff Castle, the Millennium Stadium and the A4232 Link Road? Actually I’m sure she didn’t miss the link road. That long dual carriageway section was probably not to everybody’s liking but it was to mine. I like a bit of ‘switch off and plod’ and the views were actually great from there as well, the scrap yard aside.

These nice wide roads replaced the ‘popular’ pretty park sections, where everybody fell over everybody else’s feet, last year. So they’ll be complaints but you can't please everybody and anyhow who gets time to take in the splendour of a park while they’re running.

It’s at around this time that the Almighty decides to give me a sign of just how badly I’m actually doing. The giraffe, all twelve feet of him, nonchalantly sidles past me, waving to the crowd as he goes. I’m not the only one to be a little bit put out by this. The guy behind me appears to be organising a lynch mob, if only we can catch the thing, which at the moment looks unlikely.

The dual carriage way is livened up by the hairpin turn at the Bute tunnel which, with its proximity to the finish, is packed to the rafters with supporters and provides a very welcome spur to the aching legs. Then the last few miles across the barrage and through the Penarth Marina are pretty awesome, particularly as it was such a nice day and despite the fact some of us were being paced home by a giraffe who was about to go sub-1:40 and we weren’t. I mean, come on, who’s ever heard of a sub-1:40 giraffe?

Close though. 1:40:10 at the finish line in the bay. A finish line that has been a bit nomadic over the years, it’s been in the Civic Centre, the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff Castle and now it seems to have settled in the bay. A good location but the Millennium Stadium would have been nice too.

I’m pleased with my time, considering the rib situation and I’m only 37 minutes (say it quick) behind race winner Edwin Kiptoo of Kenya, who set a course record time of 1:03.26. Smart arse. That is assuming he didn’t get the bus like that guy from Sunderland.

They’ve added a t-shirt this year which is good, the only problem being they’ve only ordered two sizes, medium and extra large. So naturally, and to the surprise of no one except perhaps the organisers, practically everyone goes for the mediums and they run out at around the two hour mark leaving a lot of women acquiring nothing more than an oversized nightie for their two hours of slog. The men doing over two hours weren’t that impressed either. Not good.

L comes in, not happy with her performance, let alone her new nightie. She’s becoming so like me as regards her performance and she is actually four seconds quicker than a month ago in Nottingham. I say at least it was flat, L protests it wasn’t. Well pretty much flat, except for those hilly bits.

The goodie bag yields yet more Redbush tea and yet more toothpaste but not much else. I’ve only just got down to the bottom of the two mini tubes of toothpaste we got from Nottingham and its not pleasant stuff. There is a sports drink in there but I think it’s from Aldi. So we decide that the appropriately Welsh Brains SA is a much better way to rehydrate.

L Time: 02:17:56

Races: 34
Miles: 245.4
T-shirts: 18
T-shirts/Nighties: 1
Medals: 13
Bags Of Crisps: 3
Chocolate Bars: 3
Toothpaste: 2
Redbush: 2
Mugs: 1
Plates: 1
Paperweights: 1
Bandanas: 1
Drinks Bottles: 1
Sticks Of Rock: 1
Rosettes: 1
Dog Biscuits: 1